My Accidental Nude Beach Experience

Warning: No nude pictures, just a funny story:

I should have known, back when I was 5 years old and still streaking through the neighborhood at which point my mom exhaustingly explained to the neighbors she just couldn't keep any clothes on me, that somehow my life's path would have a nude beach in store for me.

While my friends were getting roommates to save money on living expenses, I spent the extra money necessary to live by myself, whenever possible, just so I could walk around nude as I pleased. At least I saved money by never owning pajamas or a bath robe all that time.

I would have been an ideal nudist, but at the time, I didn't even know that culture existed let alone nude beaches. I thought those things happened in foreign countries, like the French and their topless beaches. I live in the northwest, far from France, so I thought my dreams of visiting a nude beach were impossible and I was ok with that, after all, I had my own apartment.

Let me continue my nude tale...One day, about 8 years ago, my ex-boyfriend whom I was still good friends with, asked me to go for a drive to this cool farm area he knew about. He knew I loved fresh veggies and fruit and these farms had everything my heart could desire. So off we go on our little trip, about half hour away from where I lived. It was such a beautiful day and the farms were all I had hoped for. I got fresh cut flowers and hand-picked some fruit.

After we were finished at the farms, we decided to take a drive further down the old country road that seemed to wind on forever until eventually it came to a narrow gravel road. On and on we went down this gravel road- we only continued because there were quite a few cars parked ahead in the distance so we're thinking there must be something going on or at least some sight seeing.

Finally, a sign caught my attention "Clothing optional area beyond these trees". We both looked at each other and he read my mind when he backed up and drove by the sign again in slow motioned disbelief. At this point, we figured we drove all that way so what the hell.

We parked at the end of a row of cars and stifled our childish laughs (ok we couldn't stifle our laughs, but we tried) as we made our way through "the trees". The main thought going through my head was I doubt anybody will actually be naked. I was initially right because we stepped into the clearing facing a beach and a couple that had naked (bare) feet but that was about it. Disappointing but hey it was a nice beach so we walked on a little further.

WHOA! Naked was suddenly everywhere; playing volleyball, frolicking in the water, building sand castles. It was a bit overwhelming even for me the closet nudist, but suddenly I felt uncomfortably overdressed. It was a hot day and my ex-boyfriend had already seen me naked a billion times ( we were together 5 years), so what the hell. I can't say I just tore off my clothes immediately, but rather a little came off at a time and we stayed nervously near the tall grass and shrubbery, further from the beach. Needless to say we did not pull off veteran nudists very well, we were definitely the newbie nudists that day.

Once nude, we put our clothes down and sat on them (no sand in our cracks for us), still up near the shrubbery and tall grassy area. The conversation flowed, maybe better than ever because we were nude with no pretenses or expectations. It was surprisingly intoxicating to feel so free.
However, there was a point where it got creepy because we noticed a man with dark sunglasses sitting near the beach, but facing opposite of the beach and directly in our direction. Was he staring? Ewww gross! Even grosser, he got binoculars out and was definitely facing our direction. My ex-boyfriend began instinctively threatening to go down there and kick his ass for being so crude about staring at me.

As he intently walked toward this man, the man's binoculars exaggeratingly followed my ex-boyfriend's every move. Instantly I knew what was going on- I ran and caught up with my ex and told him the man wasn't interested in looking at me, it was him who held his gaze. Suddenly the pieces fell into place, and the instant look of horror in my ex's expression was priceless. Now this was funny! Not for my ex as he's still a little squeamish about homosexuality.

My ex no longer wanted to fight this man for fear it might turn him gay (trust me, he thinks this way) so we simply walked past him as the man smiled at my ex and said "nice", ogling him up and down. I was laughing all the way back to our car and I'm sure others thought I was laughing because I was immature about the whole nude thing, but they were not in on my little joke.

And that was my accidental nude beach story. I learned that nude beaches are surprisingly fun and men aren't very attractive when playing nude volleyball.