Spring is coming. The nice weather and sun should cheer me up. It does, but not without hesitation and a sinking feeling in the back of my mind. It's bittersweet. My Rheumatoid Arthritis is manageable right now with some steroid medication, but I'm certainly not even close to being considered active. I feel so weak because one wrong step and I could injure myself easily. I have no confidence in playing outdoors- it's actually scary. The weaker my body feels, the bigger, and more intimidating, the outdoor world seems.
Spring and summer used to make me excited to go outdoors and walk, hike, play, and explore. This year I have a new body to get used to- I'm not the same as last year. I have no clue what my limitations are and I have that sinking feeling I will soon find out and be a little sadder about the change of seasons.
I think every mother feels inadequate at times, but I just hope my daughter doesn't have to wonder or wish her mother was like other kids' mothers and could go and play anytime.
