Illness as Gift

The first time I heard someone refer to their illness or cancer as a "gift", I was in shock and disbelief. How could the negativity of tragedy transform into a life-changing positive? It wasn't until my diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis that I realized it must be turned into a positive. I will not suffer for no reason. I am not a cancer patient or survivor, but I have found the gift in living with a chronic and painful illness.

The Good
Those who live with good health simultaneously fear that ill health is lurking around the corner. This fear is about as close to feeling alive as we get- we live as if being alive is fearing death, avoiding illness, and seeking pleasure. I now think that being alive is accepting pain and suffering and appreciating the good days more. Because of my illness, I am in a beautiful state of transformation while others either live in fear or on autopilot.

People who have suffered possess an astounding gift to offer others in the way of support (groups) and first-hand information that doctors can't supply. They can be an inspiration to others.

Children are effected in positive ways when they grow up witnessing the challenges and courage of a parent or close relative that has an illness. My 2 yr old daughter knows that I have limitations and my hands hurt or are "sick". Many children of parents with an illness grow up to participate in foundations and charity specific to the illness that effected their parent. It's the best tool for teaching compassion.

Humility; needing help from others and asking for it, becoming acutely aware of our limitations, and asserting our boundaries. I can't keep a running count of how many times I hear, especially women, about how much they accomplished in one day, one hour or how much they have yet to accomplish- it's exhausting. Many autoimmune diseases are found in women. Coincidence- oh, I don't think so. If you saw my Friends' Facebook posts and how many of those women and mothers who practically climbed Mount Everest before breakfast, it's no wonder we exhaust ourselves to illness.

Putting our energy into something meaningful. How much energy gets wasted on the little stuff? Apparently none of us learned from the book series, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" because I think that's easily an epidemic creeping alongside obesity. The prblem wit htelling people not to sweat the small stuff- they don't know what small stuff is. They think everything is terribly important. I love this quote: "The sign of and approaching nervouse break down is when you think everything is terribly important."

Having an illness forces you to put your energy into only the biggest bang for your buck- it's the way to live. Our bodies are mechanical in function, so why is it so different that just as the amount of gas going into our car can be measured exactly by what we get out of it (or mpg) to how much energy (from our bodies) we put into something being how much we get out of it. I can argue that's why we're in debt too. We put so much of ourselves (and family sacrifices) into our work and the paychecks don't reflect that so we spend money we don't have to feel like we are getting our worth.

Getting to know your body; When we were children, we had our mothers around to tell us when to put a jacket on, to make our Dr's appointments, when to take our medicine, etc but somehow when we grew up we lost our ability to prevent or recognize symptoms, take precautions, and generally take care of ourselves. We ignore the bad until it gets worse and we have a decent excuse to be excused from our relentless duties.

Pulling the weeds; Illness is negative in nature so most everything else needs to be positive just to keep balance or I'd rather refer to it as sanity. This means focusing on keeping positive people in your life- letting go of bad relationships and reeping the benefits. Focus energy on healing and excusing those that drain our energy from our life.

I read in a book about a doctor who stated the secret to longevity is having a chronic illness- it's truly a blessing in disguise. Why? Because it forces you to listen to your body, treat it well, be more aware of what toxins and the environment do to your body, and harness stress and emotions before they become more serious. Chronic illness flare-ups give you distinct warning signals. People without illness have a hard time listening and following through taking care of themselves ultmately leading to something worse than just an illness.

A Letter To My Friends

I'm sorry you don't understand my illness- I don't understand it yet either, but I have to live with it regardless. I know it's changed my life, not yours. I'm sorry I can't babysit your kids at a moment's notice or make plans- my illness doesn't care if I make plans and it may be a good day or bad one. I'm sorry I can't run marathons with you or go camping or party or have some drinks with you. Even though I'm young, I just can't keep up with you. I'm sorry I talk about my illness- I know it doesn't pertain to your life and it's probably depressing for you. I try to tell you about it to raise awareness. I hope you can learn from my experience that being super mom or career woman of the year is not worth the potential health risks. When I see your Facebook posts, I get worn out just reading everything you've done in the last hour. Sometimes I feel inadequate because I used to be able to do everything all at once, but look where it got me. I've been forced to slow down. Most of the time, though, I feel empowered that I finally have a reason to say "no" because my body has a direct line to my brain and lets me know where my boundaries are. Maybe you feel jealous of me because I have boundaries and you are still trying to compete for mom of the year title while I'm at home actually enjoying life a little bit slower, at a pace that we humans were meant to go. Leave fast up to the 2010 sports cars and leave mutli-tasking up to computers- I will live an authentic life at a speed where I can feel, learn, and experience more. I may not have a Facebook post every hour updating you about how I've climbed Mt. Everest while doing laundry, cleaning the house, running a marathon, and working a 12 hour shift, but that is proof I'm enjoying life because I have to. I sip my tea while you gulp your espresso, I practice Tai Chi while you run a marathon, I don't have a to-do list anymore and your life is a to-do list, I'm not amibtious in the way of earning lots of money and esteem so I'm not the friend you can brag about knowing. I'm a different person now, but still a good friend even though I can't prove it to you by babysitting or helping you move, but a friend's true job is to talk with you when you experience a time in your life when you are forced to slow down. I will be the one friend who truly understands. Until then, I hope we can still be friends despite our new differences.

Love and always,
your friend on this journey