A Letter To My Friends

I'm sorry you don't understand my illness- I don't understand it yet either, but I have to live with it regardless. I know it's changed my life, not yours. I'm sorry I can't babysit your kids at a moment's notice or make plans- my illness doesn't care if I make plans and it may be a good day or bad one. I'm sorry I can't run marathons with you or go camping or party or have some drinks with you. Even though I'm young, I just can't keep up with you. I'm sorry I talk about my illness- I know it doesn't pertain to your life and it's probably depressing for you. I try to tell you about it to raise awareness. I hope you can learn from my experience that being super mom or career woman of the year is not worth the potential health risks. When I see your Facebook posts, I get worn out just reading everything you've done in the last hour. Sometimes I feel inadequate because I used to be able to do everything all at once, but look where it got me. I've been forced to slow down. Most of the time, though, I feel empowered that I finally have a reason to say "no" because my body has a direct line to my brain and lets me know where my boundaries are. Maybe you feel jealous of me because I have boundaries and you are still trying to compete for mom of the year title while I'm at home actually enjoying life a little bit slower, at a pace that we humans were meant to go. Leave fast up to the 2010 sports cars and leave mutli-tasking up to computers- I will live an authentic life at a speed where I can feel, learn, and experience more. I may not have a Facebook post every hour updating you about how I've climbed Mt. Everest while doing laundry, cleaning the house, running a marathon, and working a 12 hour shift, but that is proof I'm enjoying life because I have to. I sip my tea while you gulp your espresso, I practice Tai Chi while you run a marathon, I don't have a to-do list anymore and your life is a to-do list, I'm not amibtious in the way of earning lots of money and esteem so I'm not the friend you can brag about knowing. I'm a different person now, but still a good friend even though I can't prove it to you by babysitting or helping you move, but a friend's true job is to talk with you when you experience a time in your life when you are forced to slow down. I will be the one friend who truly understands. Until then, I hope we can still be friends despite our new differences.

Love and always,
your friend on this journey