It's Kind of Like Retirement

My life with RA is oddly like an early retirement. Lately I've felt I have a lot in common with older folks.

I had to learn how (and accept) slowing down and not being able to do as much as I used to.

Asking for help. I have the nicest coversations with baggers who help take my groceries out to my car. I bet many people don't take the time to notice them, let alone talk to them.

Taking advantage of a good sale on arthritis and joint balm.

Who can be rude to the elderly? Can't be rude to the disabled either.

Knowing my pharmacist by first name.

Nap time!!!

Speaking my mind, no wasting time with schmoozing or niceties.

Getting paid monthly by the state.

Watching others go running with their dogs while I sit on the front porch sipping sun tea not feeling a bit guilty.

Needing a couple hours after waking up to warm the stiff joints and maybe an excuse to stay in my pajamas a little longer.

What's next? Maybe cutting my hair ultra short, trying my luck at Bingo, and getting super big sunglasses. I'm not going that far yet.

Don't feel Sorry for Me

You might be surprised to know that I find more positive about being disabled with Rheumatoid Arthritis than negative. I was just thinking about what I'd be doing in my life now if I didn't have arthritis (RA) and the answer would be a resounding- Everything. I'd be my usual perfectionist self. I'd be working, stressing, depending on caffeine and junk food for my highs, feeling guilty for not exercising, and most of all not getting to be with my daughter much.

I mostly love my life right now. I have my ideal sleep schedule (can I just mention, I feel decadent when I hear my neighbors leave early for work and I'm not), I take a nap most days, when I need a break I have to take one, I eat healthy and exercise for health and not vanity, I have time to be playful and creative and enjoy my daughter, I have money coming in. I'm disabled but not to a point that I'm not thankful or not able to enjoy life.

When I think of the time that I'm not working (8 hrs a day x's most days of the week and year) or stressing, I am actually getting more out of life than the average person. It is known that RA may shorten one's life span but really it's added to mine. Going to work for other people was not my idea of living- I did it and it was sometimes fun and rewarding. Getting 8 more hours a day to live my life outside of office walls has expanded my life.

I'm thankful so don't feel sorry for me.

Milestones

For most, the turning of a new decade is a tough birthday- not for me. For some reason turning 25 was hard for me even though I was the most physically fit, emotionally happy, and the best person I could be at that age. Turning 30 was a piece of cake because I was young for that decade. 25 was hard because I was nearing the end of my twentieth decade so turning 35 was hard this past week- I am now on the older side of 30's.

35 is a lot different for me than 25 as I'm sure it is for most people. I am now proof how much life can change in 10 years. At 25 I was extremely physically fit and I had plenty of material possesions. At 35 I am pre-approved for getting state disability and have had to cut back on material possesions because I can barely keep up with the medical bills for my condition. Wow- I've turned 35 and disabled in the same year- it's a lot to take in.

It seems so silly to have made plans in the past. Life changes so quickly, sometimes so drastically, and people keep making plans for next week, next year, and of course the 5 year plan that I just want to laugh at.

Michael J. Fox was diagnosed several years ago with Parkinson's Disease. Obviously this was life altering for him, but he has learned some valuable lessons and some I would like to quote: "I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for, perfection is God's business". Wow, I have been such a perfectionist all my life and now facing a disease where there is no explanation/cause for, it makes me wonder if I did some unnecessary stressing. "My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations." Some days I take pills and they help and other days they don't, but I just push through. I can't do a lot about the pill's effectiveness that day, and I will be in pain- that's everyday, but I won't stop my life or wear a frown all day.