Support

When you have an illness or disability, support takes on a whole new meaning to you. You learn support comes from unexpected people, needing support can make you feel weak during a time when you want to get stronger, and support always has limitations. Support is usually a back-up system for people, like insurance, but for me it's a necessity and way of life like food and water.

With my RA, I've lost enthusiasm for being with friends, maybe them or maybe me just trying to lessen the strain on our relationship. I know I've been known to walk out before someone can walk out on me. Part of me doesn't want to test relationships for fear of the inevitable strain, end, or rejection.

I want to talk about my issues with RA to my "normal" friends, but I know they don't understand- not even close. They look like they feel sorry for me, but the look on their face just makes me see how pitiful I must look to them. Although, I don't want or expect them to understand, I still want to let them into my life. I think some of the strain comes from the mere reason people become friends, and that is having things in common. I don't have RA in common with any of my friends.

I've touched base with online RA commmunities and chatted with people who have RA and know exactly what I'm going through, but it's not the same. It feels like that's all we have in common so the relationship aspect is empty.

Ideally, good friends for me are ones who don't mind listening to me on a bad day, but also don't make me think of my bad days.